Lessen the stresses of school
When children reach a certain age they spend a large part of their lives at school. This is an important time for children in terms of their mental and social development. However, while school can be a joyful and positive experience for a child it can also be a great source of strain. As a parent or guardian it is important to be aware of this and of how you can help your child to overcome school stress.
As part of the Government Employees Medical Scheme's (GEMS) ongoing effort to educate our members and future members on a range of healthcare topics, we would like to explore certain important healthcare issues. This article looks at the subject of children's wellness this School Health Week, 5 - 9 March 2012.
What is school stress?
Many parents find it difficult to believe that children can suffer form severe stress at school. However, it is a reality that young people - even nursery school children - can be impacted by certain pressures relating to their education. This means that there are certain aspects of school that children feel they cannot cope with. These ‘stressful' elements can be interrelated and can also have something to do with a child's life outside of school.
School stress can ruin the fun of learning for children and can have long-lasting consequences for their ability to progress in life.
What are some of the causes of school stress?
What can I do to help?
It is important to remember that challenges are what make us develop and grow as people and a little stress in life is necessary. Therefore you should not be overprotective of your child as this can contribute to the stress they may already be feeling. However, too much stress can create a lack of balance in your child's life and have negative implications on their education and personal development.
There are a number of specific actions that you can take to help your child deal with school stress, some of which are simple steps that you can start making today.
Children may not always say so but they feel the need for positive interaction with and approval from their parents. This forms an important part of making them feel like they are valued and boosts their self-confidence, which in turn helps them to feel like they can cope.
Make time to engage with your children at home. Good times to bond are during fun activities, working together to complete chores, talking about different topics at meal times and spending some quiet time reading stories before bed. These activities will also benefit your child's ability to take part in group activities and discussions as well as improve his or her social skills and even vocabulary.
Children require stability all through their school years, even when they act as though they no longer need parental guidance or help. It is important for children to know that their life outside of school is consistent.
Make sure that your home is run according to certain rules and routines and that these are enforced as much as possible. For example, make a rule that the entire family must be at the table for dinner and that no television may be watched during this time.
From the time they are small, children need to know what their boundaries are. It is important to put reasonable rules in place and to enforce these rules without exception. If the rules are broken there must be a consequence or the rules will become meaningless to your child. For example, if you have a rule that your children must complete their homework before they can play and this rule is broken, remove a privilege such as watching television that evening.
Routine is a highly useful tool in combating school stress as it forms a reliable structure in which your child knows what to do and when. Routines need to be created with the whole family in mind so that they do not cause any imbalance. Therefore, a routine should be reviewed on a regular basis so that any changes or developments in a family members' daily life can be taken into account.
Remember that like rules, it is vital you stick to your routines or they will have no benefit for your children.
Most parents know that their children should eat healthily but many are surprised to find out that what you feed your children does not only affect their physical health, it can also affect their mental performance. An excess of refined foods and sugars can impair your child's concentration while a lack of proper nutrients can stunt their mental development.
Replace unhealthy snacks such as chips and soft drinks with fresh items such as fruit; vegetables like carrots, celery and baby tomatoes; low-fat plain yoghurts with honey and nuts; sticks or cubes of cheese; and diluted fruit juice.
Make sure that you include a variety of tasty foods in your child's main meals and exclude any items high in fat or sugar. Use brown bread, rice and potatoes rather than refined starches and try to serve only lean protein. Vegetables are extremely important so make plenty of the ones that your child likes and include other green, leafy varieties such as spinach and lettuce whenever you can. Encourage your child to drink water, plain milk and diluted juices rather than sodas and pure fruit juice.
It is normal for children to experience a little physical discomfort from school activities such as stiff leg muscles from running or sore arms from throwing a ball at break time. However, there are certain types of physical strain from school that are not good for your child.
One of these is back-ache and bad posture from carrying heavy school bags. You can help to lighten the load on your child by ensuring he or she has a sturdy backpack with wide, adjustable straps; checking that heavier items are not located on the outside of the bag as this can affect their centre of gravity; and only packing the items that will be needed for that day.
While every child is different and the level of a parent's involvement in school and learning activities will vary, it is nevertheless important to take part in the educational experiences of your child. This applies to their academic work, sports, extramural activities and general social life. It can be difficult to find the balance between being involved and interfering, and naturally your level of involvement will change as your child gets older. However, taking an interest in your child's school and social life is important as it not only helps to keep you in touch with their educational progress but also sends your child the message that you are interested and that you care.
Being able to discuss day-to-day issues with parents can help children to overcome school stress as it decreases their feeling of having to face the world alone. Good ways to become involved are by taking an interest in assignments, attending sports days, going to watch plays and recitals, and talking about school friends and teachers. However, be sure that you don't make your child feel overcrowded by your involvement. For example, instead of saying: "I need to check your homework for mistakes", say: "I would really like to read that essay you wrote. It sounds very interesting."
While learning how to be independent and solve one's own problems is an important part of life, parents often forget that children are only just starting out and need guidance in this area. However, there will be certain problems that your child feels comfortable dealing with on their own and it is best to allow them to do so as taking control can undermine their ability to be independent. Therefore you should always offer your help to your children so that they know they can come to you if they need to.
When they do ask for your guidance you should gently lead them to their own conclusions rather than tell them what to do. This will give them a greater sense of control over their problems and increase their ability to cope in a stressful situation.
As children get older they can become increasingly introverted, talking more to their school friends than to you. This is perfectly normal, however there can be instances where they are concerned about something and want to talk to you about it but are not sure how to.
By keeping the lines of communication open you can help to ensure that your child always has a way of reaching out to you. This means finding a time when they can become used to talking to you in private about their school and social stresses. Good times to do this are at night before bed, when going for a walk or when doing any other shared activities such as cooking or driving to the shops. It is important to make your child feel safe that what they tell you during your special talk time will not get them into trouble. If they fear being punished they will shut you off completely and you will be unable to help them cope with stressful school and social situations.
Bullying is a very real problem that long ago was thought to have been ‘character building' but is now considered to be damaging to a child's school performance and self-confidence. Signs of a child who is being bullied include being taken advantage of by other children, being easily upset, being overly timid and battling to fit in with friends. Talk to your child about this and if he or she is a victim of bullying make sure they understand that it is not their fault. If needs be you may have to intervene by discussing the issue with the school and the parents of the other child.
Bullying can be one of the greatest sources of school stress.
Peer pressure is another cause of stress in the school environment, particularly amongst teens. At this age children are so concerned with ‘fitting in' that they will act in ways that they otherwise would not just to feel more accepted amongst their peers. This can involve the abuse of drugs and alcohol as well as engaging in sexual activity.
Ultimately it is up to your child to say ‘no' when faced with peer pressure, however you can help them to prepare for these situations. One way that children can avoid having to say ‘yes' is by referring to their parents' rules. For example: "I can't, my mom will ground me for a month". This can help your child to avoid tricky situations without having to deal with the stress of being judged by peers.
Another important way to help alleviate this pressure is to let your children know that they can call you for help whenever they need to without getting into trouble for it. In this way, if your child is with a group of other young people who are engaging in activities that make him or her feel uncomfortable, he or she can feel safe in calling you for a lift home.
While children require rules they also need to have a sense of space and freedom of choice. This is particularly true in older teens who are preparing to leave school. Remember that your child is already under a great deal of pressure to perform well in Grade 9 and matric and you will only add to this stress if you try to enforce a specific career path after school. This can impact very negatively on their academic performance and will most probably affect your relationship with your child.
Try to be supportive and listen to what your child has in mind for when they have matriculated. It is very possible that you will want them to pursue a different path to the one they have in mind but nothing is set in stone and you may both feel very differently by the time your child leaves school. The most important thing you can do at this stage is to keep the options open and to help them get through the last two years of school with as little stress as possible.
Sources:
WebMD - www.webmd.com
BBC Health - www.bbc.co.uk/health
Health 24 - www.health24.com
Yarm Osteopaths - www.yarmosteopaths.co.uk
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